Saturday, March 5, 2011

How To Build Confidence And Destroy Fear

Because this is my uncensored self-image and self-esteem story. The ups and downs, how researchers show that most people suffer from the lack of or very low healthy self confidence and what has helped me achieve my personal development in this area. How to build peak confidence and destroy fear.
Research shows that four in every five people report they have suffered or currently suffer from low or diminished self esteem. Often this is event related. For instance, self esteem can diminish when we are faced with a situation where emotions are heightened. It is said, that by the time we reach the age of three, fifty percent of what we believe about ourselves has been formed, by six it is sixty percent and by nine it is around eighty percent. By the time we reach the age of twelve, up to ninety percent of us have a well developed sense of who we are and what we believe ourselves to be.

Self-esteem: having a favorable impression of one-self is a basic human need. It’s a measure of our self acceptance, and also indispensable to normal and healthy self-development. The experience of being competent to cope with the day to day challenges of life and being worthy of happiness, is a simple measure of our self-esteem, and a basic element in the health of every human being. All of us have the ability to, at any time, recreate and rebuild our self-esteem so that it better serves us.

I think… Our self-image is an automatic and inevitable consequence of what we choose to believe. It is a reflection of our reactions to past events and experiences. However those experiences have not made us the way we are; they have made us believe that’s the way we are. Ultimately however we have the power to decide what we will believe about ourselves, and therefore we should not accept self limiting beliefs imposed on us by others. Life has conditioned us to respond to things in certain ways, and our responses have lead to certain choices. Many people are unaware of why they respond to things as they do, and that their choices are automatic. Have you ever examined the beliefs you hold?

I feel… Our self-esteem is all about how we feel; our emotions. Our emotions are triggered by our thoughts and they are the key to personal effectiveness. They prescribe the way we act and react in life however we can change our actions and reactions by changing the way we link our beliefs and emotions.

I act… People with low self-esteem tend to react to events and circumstances. However this inevitably leads to a life of impoverishment and lost opportunity. People with high self-esteem instead choose to respond and strive to create a life of action. Often when faced with a new challenge we can become frozen by fear. Fear is simply a thought, mostly an irrational thought. Therefore, when we examine and identify our self-limiting beliefs and understand the impact they have, we have the opportunity to create new possibilities. Our future life swings on the doors we open and the doors we close every day.

To live more effectively and to make our way more successfully in this world we should seek to align our thoughts, our emotions, and our actions. One important way we can achieve alignment is to let go of past mistakes. Mistakes are as much a part of life as breathing and I speak as someone who has made more than my share. When we make a mistake we tend to blame ourselves, however another more empowering way to relate to and resolve our mistakes is to acknowledge them, see them as learning opportunities, internalize the lessons they hold and then move on.

This is the one thing that separates winners from the losers. ACTION . . . Action is the real key to making it big in this world full of dreamers building their sandcastles in the air.

But the true rewards come only to those who actually DO SOMETHING, not talk about doing something.

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Willena Flewelling said...

You are a wise man, Lloyd.

Action... the difference between moving on and remaining in a state of stunted growth. Not exactly your wording, but it's the way I felt a few days ago. My mentor placed a challenge before me, asking me to step into a position I don't feel ready for. But I had NO hesitation in saying yes, because I knew that if my mentor believes I can do it, then I CAN. And as long as I take it a day at a time, I know it is going to be a wonderful learning experience.

Willena Flewelling

Pastor Sherry said...

I so agree with your point that how we feel depends on what thoughts we are indulging in. It's often hard for people to realize that we need to CHOOSE to think in certain ways, and only then will the feelings follow.

DaveandDawnCook said...

Hi Lloyd,
You said it all so well and are empowering us to change our thoughts about our self-image. Yes, so many of us let ourselves suffer from low self-esteem and you've reminded us that it is a chose. We can change our thoughts which can enable us to take the actions we need to take. By taking those uncomfortable actions, we are rebuilding our self-esteem.

Thanks for stating so clearly that we can boost our self-esteem by thinking we can and taking action, responding rather than reacting!

Your posts and spoken word have been very helpful to both of us!

Dawn and (Dave) said...

Hi Lloyd!

Thank you for presentling here the difference between high and low esteem. I can vouch for the development you laid out here in which age group self esteem develops. I'm currently in the phase with my kids (5 and 10) and can see exactly what you are talking about. Hope this post reaches a lot of readers to know that what we think about ourselfs are only believes we can change anytime... Anytime conciously!!! I recently started to follow as well a training from Rayn Angelo called ALPHA INFLUENCE and this topic is one of the first discussed... Thx for this great post and look forward to pop in anytime again.


Anonymous said...

Hey Lloyd,

Great post, well written and really interesting. I was taken aback to find out that 80% of what we think about ourselves has been formed by the age of 9.

That just goes to show how important our early years are to us.

I am however grateful that as I have grown up I have been able to challenge some of the feelings that I once had about myself.

Thank you for sharing.

Beth Hewitt

Willena Flewelling said...

Hi Lloyd,

So much of what you've said resonates with me. It's amazing what emotional baggage we carry around with us all our lives, even if we had a pretty good childhood, as I did.

Changing our thoughts and beliefs about ourselves is relatively simple when it comes right down to it. Not easy... but simple. That's what I've been finding out through the mastermind group I've been part of for the past year and a half. I have a ways to go yet, but I'm not the same person I was at the beginning.

Willena Flewelling

Pastor Sherry said...

Hi Lloyd,

You're right -- how we feel about ourselves is directly tied to the thoughts we think about ourselves, but also about life, and others, and God. Once we make the choice to change those thoughts, we will eventually feel differently.

Bill Hobstetter said...

Thanks LLoyd You always have such great articles and I truly believe building self confidence is key for anyone wanting to succeed in business. We all get beaten down and with the techniques taught here anyone can get a better self image.

Bill Hobstetter
Bill Is an adroit trainer and marketing expert ready to help anyone with their business and how to market on line.

Yasser Khan said...

Hi Lloyd,

A lot of what we learn when young is influenced especially by our parents.
For low self esteem or confidence issues, focusing on small victories counts.

Though everyone is reactive to a large extent, true choice comes from enlightening oneself with the idea, "Don't believe a thought I think."

For a total change in outlook, it is best to change our subconscious programming from the ground up.


Lorri Ratzlaff said...

Thank you for sharing your story with us Lloyd!! It is sometimes the hardest thing to share our own experiences, but the most rewarding at the same time!!

Thanks also for sharing some valuable information!

All the best!

peter chapman said...

Hi there Lloyd,
Peak confidence! I remember coming home from my first Tony Robbins Seminar....I felt I could actually fly home without the aeroplane!

Getting yourself in a peak state is what we all need if we are to achieve great things in our lives.

Great stuff...good luck with your project...sounds great.


HazelAnn La Fortune said...

Very interesting post. I agree with you 100% that it's taking action that separates winners from losers. When we face our fears and learn from our mistakes we develop strength. This strength propels us towards our goals.

Raena said...

Self esteem can be a major determinar of success or failure. It is a challenge for people to overcome a negative perspective of themselves. In this article, one thing you discussed is what causes poor self esteem.

As a parent, I always realized that a child's first five years are important and impressonable and I was always aware of the importance of "preserving" their self esteem. As parents, we worked very hard to expose our children to many positve experiences so they would grow up with a healthy positive perspective of themselves.

I'm the proud mother of two beautiful daughters. They are 5 years apart in age, at this time, my youngest is 17, and my oldest is 22. Both girls were raised by two loving parents under basically the same circumstances and both agree that they had a great childhoods.

One has a very healthy attitude about her being and who she is. The other, as beautiful as she is, somehow doesn't see herself as talented and beautiful as others see her. Why? From my experience, I believe that self esteem is partially formed by their environement or some circumstance that occurred during childhood, but I also think that it is in our DNA. It seems to me that personality is also a factor.

As we mature, we continue to face all of kinds of experiences which could be a threat to the way we view our persona. I always focused on the first 5 years, but the truth is we evolve and change as we journey through our lives.

We as humans have quite a bit of issues to sort out. If we are challenged with a poor self esteem however it came about, it is definately difficult, yet possible to overcome. Reading self improvement books helps, but my advise is to surround yourself with wonderful, positive people.

Dr. Adam Sheck said...

Thanks for sharing this great post. Think. Feel. Act. Those are the keys. Without action, nothing happens. We become paralyzed and unhappy. Imperfect action gets us some results, some progress and we can correct from there.
Thanks again,

KatriR said...

Hi Lloyd, I love this post as I just wrote on my blog about Tapping (EFT = Emotional Freedom Techniques) - which is actually a GREAT help to get rid of fears and all kinds of negative feelings/emotions. Thru that, we can also enhance our self esteem... Which is - like you say - very common !
I also agree, that ACTION (= consistancy in this case) is the key to get things done. And all of us don't have to be the same; some of us do more and some do a little less. The key is: ACTION. Do BABY STEPS - it all matters...
If you are interested in this fantastic way of helping people, read my blog about Tapping !
Best Regards from Finland,

andynathan said...

Interesting! I actually just went to a seminar yesterday where the speaker was discussing a new program he set up called I Am 4 Kids. The entire idea is based around how to mold their self-image between 2nd and 5th grade, so they can believe in themself!

Dinheiro Como Ganhar said...

Excellent article, I loved the information.

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Pavan Deshpande said...

pavan @(pavanh)

Superb article , fear and confident are really two opposite , fear is the enemy of success